I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
