All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
