What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
