Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
