my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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