Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
