she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
