His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize