Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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