It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
