i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
