he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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