So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
