I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
