There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
