Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
