I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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