My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize