which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
