dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
