Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Randomize
