Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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