Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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