Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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