This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
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