Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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