Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
