no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
