Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
