We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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