She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
