Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Randomize
