remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
