so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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