Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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