Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
