just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
