In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
