he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize