Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
