you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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