Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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