I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
