He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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