Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
