The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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