I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
