Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
