if i can run in heels then i can drive
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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