it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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