Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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