He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
This house was built for laser tag.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
