fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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