Girls should come with a carfax report
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
