I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
