I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
