Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
