my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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