did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize