We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
