Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Randomize
