I smell stomach acid.
the condom got lost in my hair
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
