4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
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