hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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