If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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