omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
