She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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