he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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