Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
