I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
It's just like the Real World with babies
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
